Whether a pregnancy is hoped for and planned or unexpected with uncertain feelings, the nine months of pregnancy are a time to both gestate a baby and to grow into the role of a parent. It is very natural, particularly for a first-time parent, to feel nervous and unsure in anticipating changes in family relationships and responsibility of parenthood. It is also natural for parents to feel extra motivation to learn and transform into exactly the right parent for the baby (or babies) on the way. Every one of us has the an innate, built-in capacity for healthy parenting; AND every parent benefits from support in discovering their own strengths and challenges.
Welcoming the New Arrival
At the very foundation of safety and connection for a baby (and really people of all ages) is the felt sense of being welcomed. A sincere open-hearted welcome becomes woven into the very fabric of a child’s sense of self and allows them to settle into relationships and self-discovery as they grow, eventually into adulthood. In some cases either because the pregnancy was unexpected and not at first wanted or because of the parents’ own challenging history, parents may need support in coming into new relationship with themselves, their partner and the new baby. Even with challenging beginnings, through self discovery and understanding, transformation and repair can happen.
Understanding and Transforming What We are Bringing into Parenting from Our History
During pregnancy parents begin to discover who they want to be as a parent as well as the imprinting from their childhood which gets in the way of making choices, different from their own parents. Particularly in stressful situations the first reaction may be exactly what we swore we’d never do. Pregnancy is a very fertile time for improving diet and other forms of self care as well as engaging in some form of therapy to understand how challenging history affects us and how to become the parent we intent to be in the present.
Previous pregnancy loss, whether through miscarriage or abortion, the death of a newborn or giving up a child for adoption, can bring a layer of grief that can affect the quality of connection with a new baby in the womb. Feelings of loss are natural and it’s helpful to seek help in differentiating the feelings for the lost baby from the connection and love for the new one coming in.
Learning to Listen — to Ourselves, Our Partner and Baby
There are so many teachers, books and videos with parenting information and techniques — it’s easy to accumulate many facts but still feel confused about right choices. Feelings of ‘not doing it right’ or falling short of perfection increase tension and confusion. Some basic information and insight into the experience of others is helpful but much more valuable is learning ‘listening,’ not just with our ears but with our body and heart. The majority of how we listen and respond to others, especially babies, is through non-verbal cues that we receive through our somatic awareness. This quality of ‘listening’ can be cultivated through intention and attention.
Creating Layers of Support
During pregnancy the mother’s body is the baby’s ‘outer body’ and through her responses the baby is already taking in the qualities of the world around them. When the mother is relaxed and happy that becomes the baby’s experience as well. Babies thrive when parents create layers of support with each other, extended family and a strong sense of community. Inadequate support for the parents causes tension and a felt sense of scarcity which can become the basis of that baby’s belief system growing through childhood into adulthood. Pregnancy is a great time to cultivate connections and discover and transform mental/emotional blocks to receiving support.
As I look back at my own years of parenting a (now adult) child, from this vantage point I can see all the things I wish I had done differently but also all the healthy natural impulses. From both my own experience and my training I endeavor to give families support I wish I had had myself (particularly to reflect all that I was doing right). In my profession I work with individuals and families to heal and transform effects of trauma and belief systems which no longer serve intentions in the present. Some of the ways I support parents for a healthy happy pregnancy and preparing for birth.
Classes & Private Sessions for individuals and couples to prepare for birth and parenting;
Pre-natal Craniosacral Therapy and Massage;
Somatic Trauma Healing — Understand, integrate and transform effects of trauma to feel more connected and safe in partnership and parenting. Healing trauma can help facilitate relaxed natural birth.
Breema and Self Breema Classes to learn to be more present in one’s body and life